Published inThe Haven·Jun 29Member-onlyMAGIC 8 BALL ANSWERS FOR PARENTS OF TODDLERSOutlook not so good that your toddler will eat the meal he asked for. Without a doubt, your toddler will wipe grandma’s kiss off his cheek, and grandma will be MAD. I predict that you will sleep on the floor next to your toddler’s bed for the next two years. …Parenting2 min readParenting2 min read
Published inFrazzled·Apr 5Member-onlyYes, Boss, I Will Get Back to Work as Soon as I Finish Filling Out 90 Pages of Camp FormsYou’re right, Boss — I’ve been distracted lately and my work product has been subpar. In my defense, I’ve been filling out forms so my kids can go to camp this summer, and it’s a really time-consuming process. Don’t believe me? Take a look at the email I received a…Humor5 min readHumor5 min read
Published inSlackjaw·Feb 14Member-onlyCandy Hearts For Married Couples‘Til death (or snoring) do us part — Still in love after all these years (and years) Snoring is sexy I took out the trash before you asked I need you more than you need Lactaid pills Relax! I mean, how can I help? I put the toilet seat down for you The way you chew is endearing …Humor2 min readHumor2 min read
Published inGreener Pastures Magazine·Nov 15, 2022Member-onlyHire Us to Outfit Your Parents’ House as an Escape Room Before the Holidays, so You Can Flee When the Dreaded Questioning BeginsSo very thankful, you will be — You’re heading home for the holidays and you know exactly what awaits: pointed personal questions. Why aren’t you married yet? Are you going to have another kid? Are you trying for a girl? Is that your third glass of wine? We at Escape the House™ want to help, so hire…Holidays3 min readHolidays3 min read
Published inThe Belladonna Comedy·Jun 16, 2022Member-only’80s Movies Remade to Reflect Adulthood StrugglesWe should have stuck with the originals. — Honey, The Kids Shrunk Our Bank Account Lean On Me When Your Sciatica Acts Up 45 Candles Can’t Buy Me Youth Weird Toddlers Pretty in Snapchat Filters Karens Tired Parents Society A Nightmare on Wall Street Field of Enviable Grass When Harry Met Meghan Dirty Dishwashing National Lampoon’s Unaffordable Vacation …Humor1 min readHumor1 min read
Published inFrazzled·Apr 26, 2022Member-only9 Times Shakespeare Got it Wrong, According to ParentsCAREERS Shakespeare: We know what we are, but not what we may be. Parents: I know for sure that no child of mine is going to be a professional video game player. Hard stop. 2. HANGOUTS Shakespeare: I like this place and could willingly waste my time in it. Parents…Parenting2 min readParenting2 min read
Feb 11, 2022Member-onlyIn The Game Of “Clue: Family Edition” There’s Only One Loser — The MomThe Case File Yesterday morning in Anytown, USA, Jane Everymom suffered a nervous breakdown. Her therapist has narrowed down the list of potential suspects and modus operandi, but she needs your help to solve the case. If she can’t free Jane from her catatonic state by this evening, Jane won’t…Relationships4 min readRelationships4 min read
Published inThe Haven·Feb 7, 2022Member-onlyREALISTIC VALENTINE’S DAY CARDS THAT HALLMARK SHOULD SELLHey, Hallmark… Roses are red Violets are blue How about making Some cards that are true? To My Sister on Valentine’s Day: Are you sure you’re not settling? To My Spectacularly Horrendous Ex-Boyfriend: My therapist thanks you for putting her kids through college Dear Daughter: He will never commit —…Love2 min readLove2 min read
Published inMuddyUm·Feb 3, 2022Member-onlyYour Soulmate or a Bag of Dark ChocolateMaybe your soulmate *is* dark chocolate — 1. The first time you laid eyes on him you felt an intense and immediate attraction 2. You never want to leave his side 3. When you’re not together, he’s all you think about 4. He’s always there when you need him 5. You celebrate your achievements with him 6…Humor1 min readHumor1 min read
Jan 6, 2022Member-onlyAn Adult’s Preposterous, Laughable, No Good, Very Real DayAn Adult's Preposterous, Laughable, No Good, Very Real Day Have you read the amazing children's book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst…www.huffpost.comHumor1 min readHumor1 min read